Risk Aversion

When I drank - years and years ago - I knew about Raleigh Hills and its method for curing alcoholism; aversion therapy. That's where they let you drink as much as you can in the belief that if you drank enough and got sick often enough, you'd quit out of some inner common sense that said "Enough!" Well, we know that doesn't work. Or as a friend of mine said once, "Raleigh Hills worked for me....26 times." We don't avoid things that way if they are so built into us they require a massive shift in our sense of Self.

But what about other things? Like leaving home - under duress - Do we hang on to a marriage for so long that we are afraid to leave the nest, no matter how uncomfortable? What happens when that happens? Well, some people get married again right away. That's how my ancestors did it when a wife was indispensable for the running of a farm and children were the labor force. It still happens today, and I think partly out of needing the sense of the familiar, even though the partner has changed.

In the movie, "Mama Mia," the children decide not to get married and leave the island to explore the world and themselves (together). The parents (and that is the peculiar question of the movie)stay at the church and finally get married in order to have their adventure - as in "Candide" - in their own backyard. Adventure is in the eyes of the beholder, I suppose; each taking previously avoided risks in order to find security.

When I drank (and drove) - because that is the only story I have and I am sticking to it - I took risks I never thought I could ever take every time I got behind the wheel. These were not calculated; they were incidental to my willingness to place myself in harm's way without thinking. After I sobered up, I decided to live and so became more conservative in my behavior, and avoided unnecessary risks in order to find stability. Frankly, I do not believe in security. There is none. There are no guarantees in this life, but a person can minimize the dangers by leading a life of calculated risk and careful execution of a life plan (doubtful there). People save all their lives and become victims of all sorts of unfortunate circumstances. Nature is indiscriminate and a fact of life on this planet. People live in the shadow of volcanoes and right on the seashore, and if they have the "right" attitude know they take a risk, but that it may not come true any time soon.

I have family in Hawaii who lost their home to a lava flow. That's life on Hawaii. My father flew combat missions for 30 months during WW2 and lived to tell the tale. He took a risk at at every turn, and for years after while he flew. Flying is dangerous you know. But, you trust in your abilities and the capabilities of your ground crew to keep you alive in the air.

So, I just bought a motor scooter. A few are wondering about my sanity and safety, but others have encouraged me to enjoy the adventure. I assiduously avoided two wheeled motorized vehicles all my life, having ridden only twice. Yet now, with gasoline prices high, and becoming rapidly tired of paying out all my discretionary income to unseen market forces and lack of governmental planning for the eventual demise of the oil driven vehicle, the idea of riding a motor scooter has become appealing to me. This is strange. Economics combined with necessity, changes the landscape of my thinking so that I now become brave enough to climb on a 460cc power plant to propel me down the highway all to save a few bucks. I refuse, at this time to give up my BMW, since it cost me my marriage to be that independent - I'll hang on to it. I'll drive it less. But not right now, because I now have to learn how to ride my new machine and learn to ride it safely and overcome my aversion to placing myself so close to danger.

So I consider that the real overcoming of the fear of taking risks is actually the decision that precedes the action of engaging in a calculated risk. We are all afraid but if we push the envelope a little, I am finding that acting on my desire to take hold of my own life for my own sake is a liberating act of taking personal and direct responsibility for my life.